I don’t know who needs to hear this, but… Recovery is hard AF

Recovery is just as hard as it feels right now. I remember feeling like recovery was too hard because every time I tried to confront or challenge a behavior, the urge to use the behavior overwhelmed me. I might be able to hold off using a behavior once or twice or maybe even a few times, but the overwhelming urge would always come back and swallow me whole. I had no idea how to even begin to navigate through the blinding overwhelming urges. Just thinking about it scared me and led me to use behaviors. 

I felt lost, out of control and trapped. In my head I thought recovery had to be linear and almost immediate. I thought something would just click and the eating disorder would melt away and my life would feel good all the time. This line of thinking kept me trapped. 

Recovery isn’t linear and it most certainly isn’t immediate. The eating disorder didn’t melt away, I had to work like hell to stop using it. And life doesn’t feel good all the time, but that’s okay. It’s not supposed to. 

I know recovery is hard. I know recovery can feel insurmountable. I know how lonely and frustrating it can be. But keep going. Keep pushing through the pain, through the discomfort, through the frustration, through the exhaustion. Recovered is possible and it is worth it.